i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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