Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
