I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
