I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
