If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
