My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
