Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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