Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
