Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
