did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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