When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
