its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
