You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
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He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
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I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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