You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
