hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Alive.
So much puke
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
