I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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