and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
