she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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