THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
