Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
