Grow some girl-balls and come out already
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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