Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
