I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
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just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
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Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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