My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
