She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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