I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
