everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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