I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
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Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
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We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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