You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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