Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Congratulations! We have a period
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
