I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
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I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
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Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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