Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
