I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Jerry, you need to find god
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
