If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
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