i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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