i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
