I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
