I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
