Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
