I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
