dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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