mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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