He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
