I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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