She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
