Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
