Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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