Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
