It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
