If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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