Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
