Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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