sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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