jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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