there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
