I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
