He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
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Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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