Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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