eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
