We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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