I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
