it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
