Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
