i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
this beer tastes like vomit already
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
