I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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