Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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